So I don't really like to be Debbie Downer on here, I try to be lighthearted and funny, but today will be more serious. Skip if you would like.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility is defined as trying to conceived for over one year unsuccessfully. Well, you are looking at 16 months here folks (well maybe 15, with the whole I have no job as of 10/1 thing Baby Eubanks is kind of on hold). It has been a struggle- on my body, my emotions, our marriage and my faith.
Did you know that 85% of people will experience some sort of trouble having a baby? Neither did I, I mean I am friends with Fertile Myrtles. It is so hard and makes you feel so alone. We are at the age when everyone has kids, we have had 9 friends have babies in the past year. 3 more will this summer. I am so incredibly happy for my friends, I really am, I swear! But it is still so hard. I became the one everyone is afraid to tell that they are pregnant and I HATE that. I don't want to seem bitter because I really am not. I think sad is the best way to describe it, you have this longing. Its not jealousy or bitterness, just longing.
Last summer we did 3 rounds of Clomid. It only made me ovulate once. All it was successful in doing is making me gain TONS of weight, have hot flashes and cry a lot. So that was awesome. Then I went to a new doctor who did tons of tests and in December I was diagnosed with PCOS and was put on new medicine. And on this medicine you can't eat sugar, fatty foods or salads or else you will be running for the loo. Yeah more fun!
But in January I found a peace, at the one year mark. I know that God has a perfect plan for me, one that I cannot see (and one I think I could have learned without the whole job aspect...) and I know that we will be parents one day.
This is the most difficult time of year and I will say that I don't particularly care for church on Mothers day...but again, I know He is doing something with me and our little family. Longing to be a mother is one of the loneliest things I have ever experienced, Chad doesn't have maternal instincts and he stays off the google machine so he doesn't comprehend the MILLIONS of people who try for years and never get pregnant.
So I try to be hopeful, pray and put all my trust in Him and I know that when that little baby does join our family it will be so loved and appreciated by us, our family and our friends that it will be the luckiest baby on Earth!
For all you fertiles out there, this video sums up how I feel better than I can.
7 comments:
Hugs and Kisses. I'm seriously crying right now. What a beautiful video and strong message. I'm glad you know you're not alone in the struggle for Mommyhood. I send you my love and prayers -Mis
Allison, I LOVE your blog, and don't "officially" follow it, but I read every new post. This post really touched me, though, and you are truly in my thoughts. We were so lucky and blessed to have been able to conceive Brantley easily, but not before a miscarriage completely shook our world. I KNOW that lonely and sad feeling all too well. And you are absolutly not alone, though sometimes I'm sure that it seems like you are. But keep a positive attitude, and just like you said, you will become parents when the time is right. I send you bunches of good thoughts, well wishes and prayers. :)
Allison,
I am seriously sobbing! This post just really touches my heart. I too had NO idea how deeply infertility touches so many people. Since joining the "blog" world my eyes have been sadly opened. I am praying for you and for Chad and your sweet family. I cannot even begin to know how you are feeling or what you are going through, but I do know that we serve a loving and faithful God. And HE says in his word that he will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 34:7) and there is no doubt that the desire of your heart is to be a momma. Praying for continued peace and God's perfect timing!! much love!! xoxo
btw...I know you read Kelly's blog and I just wanted to make sure you saw her post from earlier in the week where she asked people to leave there stories of hope in the comments....definitely a MUST READ!
Alison, I am prayin' and prayin' for you and Chad. God does indeed have a plan for your family, and even though it is hard to understand it now I promise you will one day. xoxo
Allison, This was the most emotional post I have seen from you and what beautiful expression! You are someone that I pray for to have a baby and someday I just know it will happen for you. I struggle with some of the same health problems as you, and while I have not found that person to settle down with, I wonder too if I will have problem getting pregnant one day (if I ever find Mr. Right), with my issues Dr.'s do not lie to me and tell me that 75% chance or greater I will have problems! I cannot imagine what you are going through, as I am just now coming into the part of my life where I am finally longing for that life partner, so I am nowhere near ready to have a child but I admire you for all you have tried and all you do to try and just make it through day by day. That is all you can do, what you are already doing and you are handling it beautifully. I just know one day you and Chad will be perfect parents, and yes, you are right, that child will be oh so loved and spoiled by ALL! Hang in there, keep your faith and keep your head up and keep trying just like you have been for 15 months + now :) I hope this year is your year, even though the job thing happened, you all will make it through and come out stronger, as you always seem to do! Your blog is just beautiful and you are inspiring me to try and keep up with mine better! Take care!
Great post girl! And here's a high five from your fellow infertile. Let me know if you ever need to chat. I know how very isolating it all is. Prayers for you!!!
I enjoy reading your blog because you remind me of my friends when I was growing up in the South. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I would encourage you to continue with what I presume is glucophage for your PCOS. If you are insulin resistant, I know first hand that it can be a hinderance to fertility. I also know several women who were infertile for years that were able to conceive after getting their sugar straightened around.
Praying for you!
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