Thursday, April 29, 2010
So I don't really like to be Debbie Downer on here, I try to be lighthearted and funny, but today will be more serious. Skip if you would like.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility is defined as trying to conceived for over one year unsuccessfully. Well, you are looking at 16 months here folks (well maybe 15, with the whole I have no job as of 10/1 thing Baby Eubanks is kind of on hold). It has been a struggle- on my body, my emotions, our marriage and my faith.
Did you know that 85% of people will experience some sort of trouble having a baby? Neither did I, I mean I am friends with Fertile Myrtles. It is so hard and makes you feel so alone. We are at the age when everyone has kids, we have had 9 friends have babies in the past year. 3 more will this summer. I am so incredibly happy for my friends, I really am, I swear! But it is still so hard. I became the one everyone is afraid to tell that they are pregnant and I HATE that. I don't want to seem bitter because I really am not. I think sad is the best way to describe it, you have this longing. Its not jealousy or bitterness, just longing.
Last summer we did 3 rounds of Clomid. It only made me ovulate once. All it was successful in doing is making me gain TONS of weight, have hot flashes and cry a lot. So that was awesome. Then I went to a new doctor who did tons of tests and in December I was diagnosed with PCOS and was put on new medicine. And on this medicine you can't eat sugar, fatty foods or salads or else you will be running for the loo. Yeah more fun!
But in January I found a peace, at the one year mark. I know that God has a perfect plan for me, one that I cannot see (and one I think I could have learned without the whole job aspect...) and I know that we will be parents one day.
This is the most difficult time of year and I will say that I don't particularly care for church on Mothers day...but again, I know He is doing something with me and our little family. Longing to be a mother is one of the loneliest things I have ever experienced, Chad doesn't have maternal instincts and he stays off the google machine so he doesn't comprehend the MILLIONS of people who try for years and never get pregnant.
So I try to be hopeful, pray and put all my trust in Him and I know that when that little baby does join our family it will be so loved and appreciated by us, our family and our friends that it will be the luckiest baby on Earth!
For all you fertiles out there, this video sums up how I feel better than I can.